I celebrated my 25th birthday on December 12th. As a result of this occasion, I will now say something that will have many rolling their eyes: I feel old!
Now, I do not necessarily feel old in body, but in the sense that the passage of time does not jive with the age my driver’s license says I am. Am I really 25? It seems that I was just finishing high school and moving on to college.
Such ruminations bring about a question many of us have pondered and many of us cringe at: Is this where I wanted to be? You know what I am talking about; the moment in which you pause in the midst of the monotony of your day and you wonder, “Is this it? I mean, really? Is this where I am supposed to be? This is not what I had planned for my life.”
I need to confess, being single, living at home, and currently jobless at 25 is NOT where I planned to be. I think many in the Christian community, myself included, operate under the misconception that being called to such an adventure as overseas missions as a single individual calls for a perfect contentment with the lack of a mate. Allow me to be candid in saying that being a missionary does not mean I am fully content to put my romantic desires on hold. I’m coming out of the closet! Yes, I want to get married.
I want a husband who loves God. One whom I can build a partnership and a family with.
But marriage and family roots is not where I am currently at.
Now, now, I know some of you are saying, “For goodness’ sake, Katherine. You are 25! You have plenty of time to get married!” My rejoinder: “I know!” Think about it though: I’ll be gone for 3 years, and the odds are against me finding a husband in rural Nigeria. I will be 28 when I come home, utterly broke, and still living at my parents’ house. Seriously! Can I not be a bit daunted by this?
Yet, regardless of whether I come home and get married, the fact remains that I, at 25, am not where I wanted to be. I pause and ask, “Am I content?”
The answer: “ Yes.” Do I still desire what I currently do not have? “Yep.” Is this okay? Can I still be in love with serving God as a single woman, moving to Nigeria to work with little girls, and still want…something more? Why in the world not, I ask you? God knows my heart and desires. He very well might never give me what I want (I.e. a husband and children of my own), but I am still madly in love with Him, and I will still follow Him to the ends of the earth and into the yard of hell should He lead me there.
Even if this is not where I anticipated being at 25, I do know this: I am exactly where God has called me to. I’m in the center of His will. Is it always fun? Nope. Is it safe there? Certainly not. But I go with Him, and what better Partner could I ask for? (Rhetorical question there.)
I have peace and purpose, so I praise the LORD and live by this:
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with singing! Zephaniah 3:17
2 comments:
I warned you to watch out for turning 25. It does something to you. Upon the same reflection when I turned 25, I eneded up living in Texas for a year.
I think that when we reflect upon our age we start feeling more of an urgency to do things that we KNOW we want to accomplish, because we realize that time is going by a lot faster than we thought possible. I am SO thrilled for you to know that you are accomplishing things that not only you want, but that God wants for you! With that will come all the blessings that He has saved for you! No matter how fast we think time is going, it's still in God's time that everything happens. I am very happy to hear that you are content in your "old age" :)(Although I must remind you that I am a whole 9 months older than you!)And now I think I have babbled enough. :)
Post a Comment