What if I'm Not Content?

I celebrated my 25th birthday on December 12th. As a result of this occasion, I will now say something that will have many rolling their eyes: I feel old!
Now, I do not necessarily feel old in body, but in the sense that the passage of time does not jive with the age my driver’s license says I am. Am I really 25? It seems that I was just finishing high school and moving on to college.
Such ruminations bring about a question many of us have pondered and many of us cringe at: Is this where I wanted to be? You know what I am talking about; the moment in which you pause in the midst of the monotony of your day and you wonder, “Is this it? I mean, really? Is this where I am supposed to be? This is not what I had planned for my life.”
I need to confess, being single, living at home, and currently jobless at 25 is NOT where I planned to be. I think many in the Christian community, myself included, operate under the misconception that being called to such an adventure as overseas missions as a single individual calls for a perfect contentment with the lack of a mate. Allow me to be candid in saying that being a missionary does not mean I am fully content to put my romantic desires on hold. I’m coming out of the closet! Yes, I want to get married.
I want a husband who loves God. One whom I can build a partnership and a family with.
But marriage and family roots is not where I am currently at.
Now, now, I know some of you are saying, “For goodness’ sake, Katherine. You are 25! You have plenty of time to get married!” My rejoinder: “I know!” Think about it though: I’ll be gone for 3 years, and the odds are against me finding a husband in rural Nigeria. I will be 28 when I come home, utterly broke, and still living at my parents’ house. Seriously! Can I not be a bit daunted by this?
Yet, regardless of whether I come home and get married, the fact remains that I, at 25, am not where I wanted to be. I pause and ask, “Am I content?”
The answer: “ Yes.” Do I still desire what I currently do not have? “Yep.” Is this okay? Can I still be in love with serving God as a single woman, moving to Nigeria to work with little girls, and still want…something more? Why in the world not, I ask you? God knows my heart and desires. He very well might never give me what I want (I.e. a husband and children of my own), but I am still madly in love with Him, and I will still follow Him to the ends of the earth and into the yard of hell should He lead me there.
Even if this is not where I anticipated being at 25, I do know this: I am exactly where God has called me to. I’m in the center of His will. Is it always fun? Nope. Is it safe there? Certainly not. But I go with Him, and what better Partner could I ask for? (Rhetorical question there.)
I have peace and purpose, so I praise the LORD and live by this:
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with singing! Zephaniah 3:17

Hey, go Figure...

So, I am having an absolute blast with God’s providence…and why are we amazed when God answers prayer? Well, maybe it’s just me.

Background…
In September I was talking with God when I had a random thought, and I talked it over with Him for a moment. My thought was, “Hey, LORD, what if I pray for strategic dates where I have a certain amount of my budget?” (The deal with the budget is that I must have people and churches commit to give a certain amount of money every single month in order for me to live and minister in Nigeria. When I have this full commitment I will be at 100% of my monthly budge, and I can go.) So, I said, “God, I want to be within Your time-table for me to leave to Nigeria. If that means it takes me 5 years to get to 100% of my budget, I’m okay with that. So, within Your will, and because I want to pray big, I’m asking for a certain amount by these dates:
• November 40% of my budget taken care of…
• December 50% of my budget
• January 60% of my budget
• February 70-80% of my budget
• March 31st 100% of my budget…buying my plane ticket, God!
“So, my Father, if it’s Your will, I’d love to meet these deadlines. Amen.”
Thus I prayed, and then promptly put this in the back of my mind. I would not think on these dates and deadlines again until November (good thing I wrote them down, huh).

November…
Fast forward to November 4th. I was talking with my boss over the phone when he told me that I had reached 41% of my budget. I remembered my prayer and list. My Response: “What!?!” Are you serious!?!”

November 21st…
I was talking again to my boss when he again informed me of my budget status…47%.

Astonished…
God is really doing this! My quick and forgotten prayer delivered to my LORD three months ago is coming about. Now I sit in anticipation of 50% on December 1st, 60% on January 1st, and so on, ‘cause you know what, my friends? My God is big enough to do this.

Back from Chicago, and Winded.

I just returned from Chicago, and what a whirlwind week it was. We were there for training.

The “we” are the 14 missionary appointees who were all commissioned in June together, myself included. We come from all parts of this great nation, and we are called to all parts of the globe, and we are all following the same path: We are on a journey to follow the will of God in prayerfully discovering whom He has called to partner with us in our perspective ministries…and they are all just as weird as I am, if not weirder.

Anyhow, it was so much fun to be together again...Late nights. Computer chats when we should be paying attention during discussions and lectures. Cameras and waaaaay to many embarrassing pictures. Objects in Katherine’s nose, and more pictures. Food and beanies. Hilarity ensued.

All in all, I’m feeling relaxed, refreshed, trained…and tired :). So, I’m taking a day off and getting ready for more God-stuff to happen.

…And a support update: 41% of my budget raised and counting!!!

Wait.

Wait. Not an easy thing for most of us to do, and certainly not overly productive, yes?
Or is it? Wait.
You know, I thought I would use this blog to regale my family, friends, and the random stranger with my experiences traveling to raise support, and then with stories of my life in Nigeria. To an extent, I suppose I am. And yet, I find myself using this blog to share my God-moments. Like the purpose of this blog, my expectations are often wrong and call me to uncertainty.

And also in the case of these past 10 days, my expectations were wildly off the mark.
On Tuesday, October 14th, I rented a car to take a seemingly endless drive from Gilbert, AZ to O’Neals, CA, just outside of Yosemite National Park. Yep, that’s an 11-hour drive…honestly, who’s bright idea was that?
(In case you didn’t catch the sarcasm, it was my idea.)

My purpose in traveling to Central California was to visit churches in the hopes of gaining financial partnerships, and to also see some friends who were so kind as to share their home and time with me and play guide to my tourist. I do believe, however, that God had me there for an entirely different reason.

I visited with three different churches. But in the midst of seeking partnerships I had much time to myself without my computer, without my books, without television, without my phone (no service in the mountains. Go figure). What was a gal to do? I spent hours wandering my friends’ ranch. Hours sitting on rocks and praying, reading the breath of God, hours sitting with silence in my heart. This was not a peaceful time for me, mostly because I often see myself in a race to get prayer support and money quickly in order to get to Nigeria, and I was doing nothing…I’m not so Que Sera, Sera in matters of my ministry. Then God throws me for a loop and reminds me of my priorities, and that this life He has led me to is not about money, not about what I envision the goal to be, not even about people.

What I came away with…I’m not quite sure yet. I have some impressions, but just that. Impressions. I won’t interpret them into some life-lesson, because I’m not sure what the lesson is. But here they are, none the less.

Colossians 1:11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with JOY, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. (emphasis mine)

Revelation 4:8 Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.

…and “WAIT”. Oswald Chambers said, “When God brings the blank space, see that you do not fill it in, but wait”.

So, I’ll finish with this: May you find peace and rest in the sovereignty of God, even when He brings you to a place where your expectations are far beyond, well, your expectations. May you rest in Him when nothing is as you would have had it. May you lie in wait for the LORD when all He has led you to is “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Ahhh, The Sweet Smell of God's Victory...Over me!

Have you ever tricked yourself into believing that you have given God control and that you remain in complete faith with Him? Well, I discovered during my visit to St. Louis that I was not giving God full control over the process of my life that involves raising financial support so that I can move to Nigeria.

As you may know, I left for St. Louis for 10 days in order to visit with family…and I had a wonderful time connecting up with anyone that can be loosely connected to the Robinson name. However, I was also there to build ministry partnerships with churches in the St. Louis area. I had the opportunity, through much persistence and a gi-normous phone bill (and as many times as I called, I bordered on being rude) to meet with missions committees and pastors from three different churches.

So, here is the scoop: I arrived on Monday and spent the day with my Grandpa. But the next morning I woke up feeling burdened with the weight of defeat, helplessness, and failure. You see, despite my calls and mail harassment to 20 churches in St. Louis, I was unable to reach even one pastor, or someone even loosely associated with the leadership of a church. Yet, until this second morning in St. Louis I had never been discouraged. I woke, sat outside on the deck, and proceeded to call church after church one final time…nevertheless, after my fifth call I put the phone down to stare out towards the knot of trees that line my Grandpa’s house, filled with anxiety. What went through my head: “What am I doing here? I am no good at this, and clearly I wasn’t listening to God when I thought and prayed about seeking financial partnerships from churches here.” So, I sat. I feared rejection and failure. We all do to some extent or another.

But slowly a realization came to me…regardless of whether I had been in tune with God’s will in coming to St. Louis for ministry partnership or not, I was here, and that I can, should, and will trust Him to bring about church partnership…even if not one single church would call me back. At this moment I knew that I had been selfishly clinging to control of my desire and need for support from churches.

I have said this often, yet sometimes I don’t practice what I preach-that, “God, I want You in control over every aspect of my life, because Your way is the way of peace, understanding, joy, and contentment for me.” So, it was time to give God control…After all, God was in the driver’s seat whether I was willing to acknowledge His driving abilities or not, He's like the ultimate GPS system. I gave it all up to God.

Twenty minutes later three pastors called to set up meetings with me.
2 Timothy 2:13 When we are faithless, He (God) remains faithful.

Let's here it for Mapquest!!!

Ahhhh, the sweet...I mean greasy aroma of White Castles. The long lines at Ted Drew's, (best ice cream in the world!)

So, I am in St. Louis enjoying the hospitality of my oh, so indulgent Grandpa, otherwise known as Gramps. The main purpose of my trip is to visit family, some of which I haven't seen in several years and may not see again before I leave for Nigeria. However, another reason I am here is to establish relationships and seek the aid of churches in this area. So, how does Mapquest come in handy?...well, duh, in finding places.

In short, I have spent my days letting Gramps buy me lunch :) and take me sightseeing, and trying to make contact with churches and their pastors. Mapquest has saved my sanity in helping me to find said churches and pastors...and a White Castles restaurant or two.

I am thrilled to have been able to meet up with one missions committee, and I am planning to visit two different churches on Sunday morning...both of which have services at the exact same time. Needless to say, Sunday will be a bit tricky. But, hey, I have my trusty cell phone, Mapquest, and a panic button.

25% and Counting!!!

Oh, man! So, I am unofficially at about 25%-27% of my total monthly support raised! ( I say unofficially because I have yet to see any of my contributions and the names of those contributors.)

If you think about it, I have only been raising my support for nearly a month. Some days I look at my week and think that I'll never get all of my support raised, but when I look at what God has done, all in one month (!) I am astounded and so blessed!

So, "Where is this money coming from," you might ask...my greatest contributor is from my home church, SunValley Community Church, who has prayed and decided to provide me with about 1/5 of the total monthly amount I need.

The rest of the amount is coming from individual supporters right now, and it is my prayer that about 60%-70% of my total monthly support will come from individuals. Why? Because I love the personal side of having INDIVIDUALS taking part and ownership of saving lives and spreading the gospel in Nigeria. Yes, so cliché, I know, but your contribution is changing lives in Central Africa!

Well, right now I am working hard at getting my second news letter out. Hopefully they will all be in the mail by Tuesday and Wednesday...by the way, if you'd like a news letter and you did not get my first one, drop me a line by leaving a comment on this post...yes, I do read them all!...in fact, I wish I had more...Hint! Hint!

Anywho...Gembu, Nigeria here I come.