Wait.

Wait. Not an easy thing for most of us to do, and certainly not overly productive, yes?
Or is it? Wait.
You know, I thought I would use this blog to regale my family, friends, and the random stranger with my experiences traveling to raise support, and then with stories of my life in Nigeria. To an extent, I suppose I am. And yet, I find myself using this blog to share my God-moments. Like the purpose of this blog, my expectations are often wrong and call me to uncertainty.

And also in the case of these past 10 days, my expectations were wildly off the mark.
On Tuesday, October 14th, I rented a car to take a seemingly endless drive from Gilbert, AZ to O’Neals, CA, just outside of Yosemite National Park. Yep, that’s an 11-hour drive…honestly, who’s bright idea was that?
(In case you didn’t catch the sarcasm, it was my idea.)

My purpose in traveling to Central California was to visit churches in the hopes of gaining financial partnerships, and to also see some friends who were so kind as to share their home and time with me and play guide to my tourist. I do believe, however, that God had me there for an entirely different reason.

I visited with three different churches. But in the midst of seeking partnerships I had much time to myself without my computer, without my books, without television, without my phone (no service in the mountains. Go figure). What was a gal to do? I spent hours wandering my friends’ ranch. Hours sitting on rocks and praying, reading the breath of God, hours sitting with silence in my heart. This was not a peaceful time for me, mostly because I often see myself in a race to get prayer support and money quickly in order to get to Nigeria, and I was doing nothing…I’m not so Que Sera, Sera in matters of my ministry. Then God throws me for a loop and reminds me of my priorities, and that this life He has led me to is not about money, not about what I envision the goal to be, not even about people.

What I came away with…I’m not quite sure yet. I have some impressions, but just that. Impressions. I won’t interpret them into some life-lesson, because I’m not sure what the lesson is. But here they are, none the less.

Colossians 1:11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with JOY, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. (emphasis mine)

Revelation 4:8 Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.

…and “WAIT”. Oswald Chambers said, “When God brings the blank space, see that you do not fill it in, but wait”.

So, I’ll finish with this: May you find peace and rest in the sovereignty of God, even when He brings you to a place where your expectations are far beyond, well, your expectations. May you rest in Him when nothing is as you would have had it. May you lie in wait for the LORD when all He has led you to is “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Ahhh, The Sweet Smell of God's Victory...Over me!

Have you ever tricked yourself into believing that you have given God control and that you remain in complete faith with Him? Well, I discovered during my visit to St. Louis that I was not giving God full control over the process of my life that involves raising financial support so that I can move to Nigeria.

As you may know, I left for St. Louis for 10 days in order to visit with family…and I had a wonderful time connecting up with anyone that can be loosely connected to the Robinson name. However, I was also there to build ministry partnerships with churches in the St. Louis area. I had the opportunity, through much persistence and a gi-normous phone bill (and as many times as I called, I bordered on being rude) to meet with missions committees and pastors from three different churches.

So, here is the scoop: I arrived on Monday and spent the day with my Grandpa. But the next morning I woke up feeling burdened with the weight of defeat, helplessness, and failure. You see, despite my calls and mail harassment to 20 churches in St. Louis, I was unable to reach even one pastor, or someone even loosely associated with the leadership of a church. Yet, until this second morning in St. Louis I had never been discouraged. I woke, sat outside on the deck, and proceeded to call church after church one final time…nevertheless, after my fifth call I put the phone down to stare out towards the knot of trees that line my Grandpa’s house, filled with anxiety. What went through my head: “What am I doing here? I am no good at this, and clearly I wasn’t listening to God when I thought and prayed about seeking financial partnerships from churches here.” So, I sat. I feared rejection and failure. We all do to some extent or another.

But slowly a realization came to me…regardless of whether I had been in tune with God’s will in coming to St. Louis for ministry partnership or not, I was here, and that I can, should, and will trust Him to bring about church partnership…even if not one single church would call me back. At this moment I knew that I had been selfishly clinging to control of my desire and need for support from churches.

I have said this often, yet sometimes I don’t practice what I preach-that, “God, I want You in control over every aspect of my life, because Your way is the way of peace, understanding, joy, and contentment for me.” So, it was time to give God control…After all, God was in the driver’s seat whether I was willing to acknowledge His driving abilities or not, He's like the ultimate GPS system. I gave it all up to God.

Twenty minutes later three pastors called to set up meetings with me.
2 Timothy 2:13 When we are faithless, He (God) remains faithful.