I celebrated my 25th birthday on December 12th. As a result of this occasion, I will now say something that will have many rolling their eyes: I feel old!
Now, I do not necessarily feel old in body, but in the sense that the passage of time does not jive with the age my driver’s license says I am. Am I really 25? It seems that I was just finishing high school and moving on to college.
Such ruminations bring about a question many of us have pondered and many of us cringe at: Is this where I wanted to be? You know what I am talking about; the moment in which you pause in the midst of the monotony of your day and you wonder, “Is this it? I mean, really? Is this where I am supposed to be? This is not what I had planned for my life.”
I need to confess, being single, living at home, and currently jobless at 25 is NOT where I planned to be. I think many in the Christian community, myself included, operate under the misconception that being called to such an adventure as overseas missions as a single individual calls for a perfect contentment with the lack of a mate. Allow me to be candid in saying that being a missionary does not mean I am fully content to put my romantic desires on hold. I’m coming out of the closet! Yes, I want to get married.
I want a husband who loves God. One whom I can build a partnership and a family with.
But marriage and family roots is not where I am currently at.
Now, now, I know some of you are saying, “For goodness’ sake, Katherine. You are 25! You have plenty of time to get married!” My rejoinder: “I know!” Think about it though: I’ll be gone for 3 years, and the odds are against me finding a husband in rural Nigeria. I will be 28 when I come home, utterly broke, and still living at my parents’ house. Seriously! Can I not be a bit daunted by this?
Yet, regardless of whether I come home and get married, the fact remains that I, at 25, am not where I wanted to be. I pause and ask, “Am I content?”
The answer: “ Yes.” Do I still desire what I currently do not have? “Yep.” Is this okay? Can I still be in love with serving God as a single woman, moving to Nigeria to work with little girls, and still want…something more? Why in the world not, I ask you? God knows my heart and desires. He very well might never give me what I want (I.e. a husband and children of my own), but I am still madly in love with Him, and I will still follow Him to the ends of the earth and into the yard of hell should He lead me there.
Even if this is not where I anticipated being at 25, I do know this: I am exactly where God has called me to. I’m in the center of His will. Is it always fun? Nope. Is it safe there? Certainly not. But I go with Him, and what better Partner could I ask for? (Rhetorical question there.)
I have peace and purpose, so I praise the LORD and live by this:
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with singing! Zephaniah 3:17
