Misplaced Climbing Gear

Thanks for the shove, my Friend…You know who you are.

The Mountain:

What happens when I am committed to achieving something and I fail? How many myriad ways are there with which folks confront failure?

Some see challenge in the mountain ahead of them.

For others, those like me, we see the “mountain” and succumb to the overwhelming feeling of the effort in front of us. In fact, we think maybe it is better to take a seat and watch the elevation climb into the horizon rather than attempt the “climb” that may or may not end in failure.

The Bush I’m Beating Around:

My head has been revolving around the subject of Self-Discipline, and as I imply above, my lack thereof. I struggle greatly in remaining disciplined with communicating with family, friends, and supporters as I live and work in a country and culture not my own.

The Why:

Because I enjoy analyzing or simply because I want to know the “whys” of most everything I ask myself why I am challenged by communicating with those whom love and support me. After all, I return the love and value; a deep desire is that I maintain the value and love of these. So, I ask myself why I do not follow through with the communicating:

1)      What if I have nothing to say or teach? As a teacher and as a woman who catches the esteem of some, I assassinate myself if I have nothing “worthy” or significant to teach by doing nothing at all. What if I have nothing of value-so you, those I love and respect will find me smart, responsible, and worthy of supporting.?

2)      What if I am simply lazy? How embarrassing.

3)      What if this whole struggle I speak of has its foundation in pride? How gross. How humbling.

How human. When my mind gets caught up in this revolving door I am reminded how my aim is caught up pleasing man. Now I am thusly reminded once more that it is the pleasure of the LORD, who is my Dwelling Place that I shall pursue. (Psalm 90)

So there you have it, a moment of transparency after a draught of communication.